A certain day in October '16
11:23 PM
Between the shadow and the soul.
Of a sonder string's silent scribblings.
"An offbeat yet happy day. Pain in my breasts for quite some time now. I assumed it to be something related to the hormones. But once the pain, got prominent over the pain of the mental dilemma, it was time for science to intervene and do its work.
Visit to the doctor.
I explain. She examines and says, there is a lump. There are fibroids or tumour. I smile, having no idea why. She smiles too. Isn't it funny how irrespective of the moment, a smile is so infectious?
She says not to worry. She scribbles a few medications and a couple of tests to be done. She asks me about my plans, my age, my opinions and my set rules of life.
I smile again, sensing trouble.
Test number 1.
As I lay there, next to the over heated machine, probably one of human's most useful inventions to keep up health, with it's warmth tearing my skin. With the rays working its magic in detecting whatever uncertainty that lay ahead. My heart pounded. Like a drum beat. Thoughts clouded me. Armies of them.
Like carbon monoxide.
What if it was fatal?
What if uncertainty had a surprise for me?
What if something I never thought would occur to me had happened?
With every word, action, eyebrow movement of the Radiologist examining the screen for information, the heart grew curious and fainter. Scared, helpless, blank and yet numb.
I want to do so much. I want to know so many people. Be to so many places. Experience so many things. Grow old. Age gracefully. Embrace the love. Meet strangers. Make people wonder. Be amazed. And, have a life. A complete one.
Was it different for me?
Was life indeed just science?
Was all this indicating something?
The one who was and is my all, who chose everything but me, was maybe right to do what he did.
The pain, the disappointment, the mind turmoil, was everything intense to me and me only.
I could taste, feel and see fear, sadness and empathy. In those few moments of unordered chaos and mind numbing fear, how helpless I felt.
Why was there so much pain if the time was so little?
Only questions. A turmoil in my head and now, my body.
As so much happened in my soul, my environment was normal. A million sonder lives, them being the central character of their story. :) Going on. Just the way I loved it. Just the way I loved to observe and write about it. Just the way that could amaze and cheer up my soul.
The reports came.
Nothing to be seen.
As yet.
The tablets keep me company for a while now.
The doctor was a sweetheart. Life, drama, injustice, rant, destiny and what not sprang up in our conversation.
She said, you are destined for something. Wait for it. :)
Thank you for answering the silent questions in my head, unknowingly.
Thank you for trying to distract me.
Thank you for being you. :) "
11:23 PM
Between the shadow and the soul.
Of a sonder string's silent scribblings.
"An offbeat yet happy day. Pain in my breasts for quite some time now. I assumed it to be something related to the hormones. But once the pain, got prominent over the pain of the mental dilemma, it was time for science to intervene and do its work.
Visit to the doctor.
I explain. She examines and says, there is a lump. There are fibroids or tumour. I smile, having no idea why. She smiles too. Isn't it funny how irrespective of the moment, a smile is so infectious?
She says not to worry. She scribbles a few medications and a couple of tests to be done. She asks me about my plans, my age, my opinions and my set rules of life.
I smile again, sensing trouble.
Test number 1.
As I lay there, next to the over heated machine, probably one of human's most useful inventions to keep up health, with it's warmth tearing my skin. With the rays working its magic in detecting whatever uncertainty that lay ahead. My heart pounded. Like a drum beat. Thoughts clouded me. Armies of them.
Like carbon monoxide.
What if it was fatal?
What if uncertainty had a surprise for me?
What if something I never thought would occur to me had happened?
With every word, action, eyebrow movement of the Radiologist examining the screen for information, the heart grew curious and fainter. Scared, helpless, blank and yet numb.
I want to do so much. I want to know so many people. Be to so many places. Experience so many things. Grow old. Age gracefully. Embrace the love. Meet strangers. Make people wonder. Be amazed. And, have a life. A complete one.
Was it different for me?
Was life indeed just science?
Was all this indicating something?
The one who was and is my all, who chose everything but me, was maybe right to do what he did.
The pain, the disappointment, the mind turmoil, was everything intense to me and me only.
I could taste, feel and see fear, sadness and empathy. In those few moments of unordered chaos and mind numbing fear, how helpless I felt.
Why was there so much pain if the time was so little?
Only questions. A turmoil in my head and now, my body.
As so much happened in my soul, my environment was normal. A million sonder lives, them being the central character of their story. :) Going on. Just the way I loved it. Just the way I loved to observe and write about it. Just the way that could amaze and cheer up my soul.
The reports came.
Nothing to be seen.
As yet.
The tablets keep me company for a while now.
The doctor was a sweetheart. Life, drama, injustice, rant, destiny and what not sprang up in our conversation.
She said, you are destined for something. Wait for it. :)
Thank you for answering the silent questions in my head, unknowingly.
Thank you for trying to distract me.
Thank you for being you. :) "